Pursuing Fluency 1

Less Than Two Months Till…

“Christmas is just two months away!” is a post I read on a friend’s Facebook that started to focus my thinking on what the next two months hold for my team, my ministry and my family in Peru.  I thought, “Ha! the Christmas season for me will be about five days long, from the time we land in Arkansas until Christmas and there are a ton of things to do, people to say goodbye to and a thousand emotions we’ll feel between now and then.”

As we hand over ministry and think about the logistics of moving, my thoughts fly backward over the last two years and forward over the next two months, then five months in the States, then on to Ecuador.  And in both directions, doubts creep in.  Did I do enough?  What should I have done differently?  Was I enough for the task God gave me?  Could I have been more ________?  Can I get everything done while we’re in the States and still connect with friends and family and rest and recharge and…and…and?  What did I not do as a mom in Peru that I want to provide for my girls in the States?  In Ecuador?  And on and on…

This morning I was reading a post from A Life Overseas, a blog about living cross culturally from the perspective of missionaries, aid workers and others.  While reading, the Lord reassured me through words of a woman I’ve never met, who is living and ministering in Bolivia.

I finished the post in tears.

Confident that I am enough because God has called me, not because of my own ability.

Reminded to see the beauty in each place that God leads us.  That by accepting change instead of trying to fight it or control it (or beat it’s effects to death with an army of lists), I acknowledge that God is in control (and not me).

Challenged to not focus so much on the doing as the being with and loving the people around me while we’re still together.

I’m so grateful for that encouraging word this morning.

I recommitted the next two months to the Lord and to leave any human regrets in His hands and reoriented my thoughts and heart to God’s purposes for the next two months and beyond.

Please pray for my family, my team and for me as the next two months are huge.  Pray for the goodbyes, hellos and all the activity that makes them possible.

 

Anndee

Pursuing Fluency 1

Pursuing Fluency? What do you mean?

I’m calling this section of our website, my personal blog, “Pursuing Fluency,” but what does that really mean?

According to dictionary.com “pursue” means “to strive to gain; seek to attain or accomplish” and “fluent” means “able to speak or write smoothly, easily, or readily; easy; graceful.”

So, in all the areas of my life, I want to pursue, to strive, to attain or accomplish the ability to speak or write [or live a particular calling God has for me] smoothly, easily or readily, gracefully.

I realize this is a pretty tall order, a lifelong pursuit.  So, instead of making another long list or complicated plan or promises to myself that I can’t keep for two days in a row, I will begin with the most important calling on my life and go from there.

I’m beginning my quest, my pursuit of fluency with my devotional life.  I’ve always been good at being obedient in the public things, in the big moral decisions, but I suspect there’s been rebellion, selfishness of spirit, that has been at root of my constant struggle with my private walk with Christ.

Believe me, there’s a ton more I’d like to change, tweak, improve and systemize in my life, but, as a follower of Christ, I know, I believe that this is the change that matters the most, will guide the rest and will clarify God’s priorities for my time, energy and passion.

My need to tend my devotional life is a realization that God has been whispering, then speaking into my spirit for a while.  Through a podcast and then a blog post written by my friend (http://www.mosaicofmoms.com/dwelling-place/) God has confirmed that this turning to HIm, rather than my self-critiquing and planning are the path He has for me.

So, I will begin my pursuit of fluency by practicing His presence.

-Anndee